“The Emperor’s New Cloak” is a sadly misguided episode. You can kinda, sorta see what the intentions were for the overall story. But the problem is that it completely misses the mark in terms of characters and continuity. The end result is an episode which only has value insofar as it is connected to a handful of previous installments. Otherwise, it’s a totally forgettable and unnecessary affair.

Grand Nagus Zek decides to travel to the Mirror Universe in order to open up new business opportunities. Once there, he is captured by the Alliance and held for ransom: They want a cloaking device. Embarrassingly, the Alliance, along with the writers, seem to have forgotten all about the cloaked ships used in prior Mirror Universe episodes. Add in the spasmodic desire to give every new DS9 character a mirror counterpart, and you’re left with mirror-Ezri, mirror-Brunt, and even a flesh-and-bone mirror-Vic Fontaine (who gets killed by Bashir).

The issue is the diminishing returns. At first, the Mirror Universe was useful because it said something about character — about the underlying desires and motivations of people who had lived in very different circumstances. Heading back to the world gave it some legitimacy, but each installment moved further and further away from characterizations and more and more into zany, plot-driven farces. This episode is a culmination of everything misguided about how the Mirror Universe has been used: The characters (even the *real* ones) are purely caricatured. And the story is nonsensical.

At best we get the shifting allegiances of the mirror-Ezri. She’s not quite sure where to place her sympathies — with the Intendent to whom she is attracted? with Brunt to whom she owes friendship? with the Resistance to who she is morally attached? — and the story tries to explore those facets. But each of them happens so haphazardly and ham-fistedly that they are hollow and meaningless.

Consider the kiss between Ezri and the Intendent … was there ever a more awkward embrace between characters on this show? It’s as if neither really wanted to kiss one another, but only did so because … it was in the script … or something. But that’s not even the worst of the characterizations. Garak has devolved into a mind-numbingly stupid person. Worf is ridiculous with punching a fellow officer and ripping his chair off the bulkhead.

And then there’s the Ferengi factor. Taken individually (or in pairs), the Ferengi have had some truly shining moments (Quark’s speech to Nog in “The Siege of AR-558” for example). But put too many of them together and they become gratingly cringe worthy. Zek’s nails-on-chalkboard voice is bad enough, but when added to Rom’s incessant “duhhhh” and Quark’s simpering, the result is revolting.

Such is the case here.

The plot, such as it is, isn’t worth mentioning, beyond saying that it’s almost entirely pointless … Inexplicably, Quark and Rom steal a cloaking device off of Martok’s ship, characters are killed (Intendent stabbing Brunt, Ezri killing Garak), ‘sposhions ensue and the “good guys” win. Oh, and mirror-Ezri has the hots for mirror-Leeta.

Yeehaw.

“The Emperor’s New Cloak” is a mess. It certainly doesn’t deserve a second viewing, let alone a second thought.

Filed under: Deep Space Nine